Are you happy now? Am I?

The truth is, I haven’t posted for more than a week and turns out when I finally decide to post, there’s again, no topic. Do I really have no topic?

I do have topics but I have too many. Life’s been way busier than expected. A lot of things are happening around me that I can’t pick up a thing to write about. So let’s talk about my mental state. Am I happy now?

That’s actually the question I ask myself almost everyday. I am a bit blinded by the busy life in summer. I have so many undertakings that I can’t take care of all of them at the same time. One thing to be noticed is that I did not do any math last week throughout the weekdays that I almost failed my practice test. New struggle this week is because I did not buy enough vegetables last week, I ended up eating curry every day and getting hungry very soon and started snacking. I’ve eaten at least 10 pieces of chocolate-stuffed biscuits today, which are quite a lot of calories.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed but sometimes I was doing completely nothing. I was simply watching random clips from some tv shows or reading a WeChat post over and over again. I did not understand myself and just a few hours ago, I was playing candy crush soda saga again. I’ve quitted that game since January. What is wrong with me?

Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me. There’s always a certain time period that we are adjusting to a new life style with new friends, new classes and new environment, etc. Sometimes we do a good job with adjusting. Sometimes we don’t. If we do, it might last longer like a semester but if we don’t, we are just trying to find a better lifestyle every single second of life. (Maybe I really should start making blog prompts so that I can manage my posts a bit better. I don’t know what I am writing right now.)

Summer can be really weird in a lot of ways. Without meal plans, we have to cook for ourselves. Moving in and out of summer housing can be a lot of pain, especially during exam period. Making friends with new hall mates or even roommates can be a bit hard though not in my case. Not being able to hang out with friends can make me feel lonely. Or sometimes I just miss the voice of my big sis.

While everyone else’s at home, you need a reason to be on campus, either working or taking a class. I am busy but I still don’t think my reason to be here is legit. Well, taking a course is a whole lot of deal but my parents still being back home means more. What can I say? Work schedules can be tough to fit in the busy schedule due to physics course. I want to do a lot of things in summer but I have to admit time is not unlimited like data. Or it is but high-efficiency time is always limited.

Last week, I was joking with a friend. We are both very talkative people that whenever we get together, it would take us forever to talk about life and school. I said to her that don’t hang out with me, we are both busy, which is, a goddamn truth. She’s even busier, in my understanding. Two classes with research project. I don’t know how people ever manage that. I was terrified about the idea to take another course since physics itself would be hard enough for me.

This morning, we had our first quiz for Physics 122 class(it’s the midterm but a different name). All of a sudden summer in rochester is three weeks over for me. I have a calendar on my wardrobe that I labeled each day with classes, weekends, exams, workshops, labs and a lot of other stuff. I cross them out when I am done. Days pass by faster. It felt nice to be able to survive these two weeks. But there’s still more than 4 weeks to go and you never know what’s gonna happen until you’re there.

Last week, I was recording my calories intake every day. I deleted that app b/c it took a lot of time. But the disciplined me really needs to gain back control over my weight, which is halfway never ruined my by the biscuits. I will re-download it very soon and get on with my life.

Well, this is truly a rambling post with a loose subject: summer life. If you like this post, then you are probably a person like me. Maybe this is better than a complain post. I feel much more positivity right now. Girl, get on with your life.


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